My little baby boy, who isn't so little anymore, turns one today. So much time has passed, and I've got to spend an entire year getting to know this sweet little human being. Life has only been sweeter with him around, and I finally get it now... when all of you said, "enjoy it, it goes too fast." You were right.
I don't really know what emotions I'm supposed to be feeling today. They all range from happy, to excited, to sad, to nostalgic, and mostly just bittersweet. As a mom, all you want is to watch your baby grow happily and healthy, and reach each new milestone with an excitement for life. Keegan doesn't even realize what today is, and he probably won't ever know how I feel about him turning one until he is older someday and reads this. So, would you please humor me & allow me to address him in his birthday post? Because this momma has so much to say.
Keegan, from the moment I knew you were coming to our family, I knew you would be an essential addition and a force to be reckoned with. I truly have felt, in the time that I have known you, that you were hand picked for me and I have needed you in my life for so long. You, from the very beginning, have been my buddy and my favorite friend. I cannot believe that it has been a year ago already, that they first laid you on my chest. I will never, ever, in a million years forget how I felt. You have been everything to me since that day. I never knew a love like this even existed. But I thank my Heavenly Father every day for it, because it saved me. You saved me.
I can still remember sitting in the postpartum room, 12:45am, looking at you as you slept in the bassinet. It felt all so surreal and I couldn't believe you were actually here. I kept getting you out of your bassinet and unswaddling you, because I kept wanting to count all your toes and fingers, and feel your soft skin. I couldn't leave you alone. I couldn't believe you were the little person who I grew in my tummy for 9 months.
I had to learn a lot with you; we learned together. We took a little while getting used to each other, but we had an immediate bond and it has only grown since then. I have never been so exhausted in my entire life, so out of routine, so out of balance... just a complete hot mess of a new mom. But I swear, they were the best days. They went too fast. I remeber when pulling all nighters became completely normal, smelling like spit up and baby sweat became my new perfume, when sleeping in an upright position became "comfortable", and when absolutely nothing got done around the house stopped bothering me. We have come a long way since then, but there's nothing about that part of life that I would change. You were worth every sleepless night, every dysfunctional day, and all the hard, never ending work. Like I said, I would do it all over again.
I would do anything to go back to the day you were born. And I can't believe that it was already one year ago. You have grown into a sweet little boy, which makes it so bittersweet to know that you are no longer my little baby, swaddled up and sleeping peacefully. Now you are this little energizer bunny, always on the go and exploring the world.
I am so proud to be your mom. I am so proud of the light you are to everyone who knows you. I am so thankful that you are a part of our family, and I can't imagine it any other way. I want you to always believe in yourself and always know you have the full support of your parents. And especially me, as your mom. I will always take care of you, always love you, and always be there to give you all I can. There will never be a day that you aren't loved. You will never need to wonder if you are cared about, because I will be there, every day telling you how special you are. You are truly everything, Keegan Brooks. You made me a mom one year ago, and you've made that an absolute privilege.
This year has been absolutely beautiful and it's only the beginning. September 18th, at 10:03 pm was just the beginning, my love. Happy 1st Birthday, Keegan. You are my heart.
