Bad Dreams; New Wings

Have you ever had dreams where they feel so real, you wake up with your heart pounding and tears just streaming down your cheeks? Where you literally can feel everything that happens in your dream? This morning was one of those moments. Instead of posting on Facebook and saying that really annoying line "The moment where..." because literally those status's are bugging me, I wanted to just blog, because it's what I seem to do these days. And probably because Facebook is starting to bug me.
          So, just a wild guess, but what was my dream about? You got it, college! And usually I run to Maren or Liza, and talk about how I "don't want to go to college anymore!". Because of course I do, but you have to admit because it's the only thing constantly on my mind- all I am left to think about is the part of actually leaving. The dream consisted of the goodbies and the part of traveling to where I'll live for the new part of my life. In my dream, my parent's sent me off on my own, in my car. My directions were on a paper from google. My mom handed me all my childhood CD's and told me to turn up the music to keep me awake. I said goodbye to family, friends, my horse, and my childhood room. It was just a dream- but man, was that hard! As I drove off, everything was left in my rearview mirror. With that, I woke up.
          Even if it was a just a silly little bad dream, it got to me. I had Kyle come lay down with me and being the sweet little boy he is, he told me everything will be okay. Once you get past the little annoying parts, he is the greatest little boy I will ever know. I think he might be a very hard part to leave. We went and visited our Mimi, and of course, being the wise lady she is- we talked about my future. One thing she said stuck out to me. "Even though this door is closing, and another one is opening- you must remember, that door that is "closing" will never really close. It's just a door stop- you will ALWAYS be able to come back home, Makenna." That will always be a comfort- HOME. As we were leaving, she told me that home will always be my nest, and it will always be warm- it is our comfort zone. But guess what? Everything I've ever known, has led me to the point where I have to let go, where I have to how she said, "Open those little wings, flap them as hard as you can, and fly." Those words will stay with me, even through the bad dreams. I guess, you could call them my new wings, specifically designed for what's ahead. So what am I going to do? Open my little wings, flap them as hard as I can, and fly. When the times comes, that is.

One Step Closer

This week has been pretty darn cool. Thursday was probably the best day, for sure. I didn't have practice that night, so I took advantage of relaxing after Landon's first basketball game. I was checking my emails and was notified that a decision had been made in my application for BYU-Idaho. I quickly then went to the website and sure enough... my heart was literally about to stop. So nervous. And I opened my eyes between my fingers covering my face and saw "Congratulations!" and that's all I needed to see. I grabbed my phone and sent out texts to my parents, friends, and family. Even posted it on Facebook. I'm excited, can't you tell? Guess how many likes I got on it so far? 104 so far ;)
              My Grandma bawled, my mom jumped up and down, and my dad said "Cool! Good Job!". Haha, typical Dad. I mean, of course he was excited for me, but women tend to show more emotion, correct? Well, as for me, my heart was happy happy. Now, I just have to wait for my track. I'M ONE STEP CLOSER!
              Friday was awesome. BREAKING DAWN WAS SO GREAT. My friends hated it, but I thought it was absolutely wonderful. Probably I'm a sucker for romance, and I love Robert Pattison and Taylor Lautner. Drill Team got our own showing, and then went to Incas. YUM. I then, AGAIN sang the National Anthem at a play off game at Lions. It was so cold, but I got to sing up in the booth! Then my good friend Heidi P and I got to play nintendo and drink hot chocolate at my house. We crashed early. Forget about the late nights anymore- by Tuesday your exhausted. Literally.
               Saturday was also great. My body doesn't let me sleep in anymore, so ten was the latest I slept. Baha, even that is pretty late, but not as late as what I used to. I went to Kyle's basketball game, what a baller. My Dad put my snow tires on and I cleaned out my car completely once I got home. Every compartment, under every seat, and nook and cranny. It felt very clean. My chore for the day was to clean the bathroom. OH YUCK. When you share a bathroom with 3 other boys... it literally becomes a TASK and it's just gross. The toothpaste bottle is messy and exploding, and dirty clothes and water are just everywhere. I'm pretty sure I know the culprit of water everywhere. Josh obviously likes to come out of the shower dripping and not wipe up all the water. SO ANNOYING. The bathroom is a flood after him. SO, that was quite fun. I then got ready for my last Sadies dance ever! It was absolutely great. I took Josh Black, one of my good friends. Our group made homemade pizzas at the Bergeson's, and we had a chocolate fondue fountatin. It was a complete mess; flour and chocolate everywhere. But we had so much fun. Before we went to the dance, we played a card game and IT WAS SO STUPID. Pounce is the name. Josh and I suck at that game.
            At the dance, we had a blast. The decorations were awesome, the music wasn't all that bad, and it was in the gym, so there was more room. Yeah, there was the typical dirty dancing everywhere- but you could pick out the Mormons. We danced at the front of the gym, and we had so much fun, dancing the right way and the clean BUT fun way. It was awesome. We actually stayed for a good hour and a half- better than Homecoming. As we walked out, we were happy because we left that dance knowing we chose the right. The right language, the right dancing, and the right people. We even started singing our EFY Theme Song. "We believe all things, and the hope He brings. It's a light into the darkness, there's a fire in our hearts. And we believe He knows, every one of us will grow. Planted like a seed of faith- WE BELIEVE!".
            We were just being silly, but it still spiritual for me because it was true. We are an example of the believers. We are happy! So, we went to the Earl's house and played telephone charades, then spoons, and had donuts and ice cream cake, and then we all went on our merry ways. Josh and I had a good talk on the way home about missions, and our non member friends. We just have to keep doing the right thing. I had a great night.

Today is Sunday and I am freezing in this house. But, I love these days because I am in sweats and a sweatshirt and fuzzy socks with my hair up in a ponytail. There's good food everywhere, and the candles are lit. The whole Hirz family will be getting together tonight to celebrate my cousin's Sweet 16. I remember that day ;) It's days like these that I will most definitely miss at College. But I am so looking forward to what's coming up. Everyday is one step closer. 

                                                        I am really getting excited.

Miss Makenna.

Today at the elementary school, the kids in the reading group that I work with were working on a dinosaur project, where they have to do a fake news piece on dinosaurs, volcanoes, etc. One of my third graders named Kawehi (Kah-vay-hee) came up to me and said "Miss Makenna, how do you spell attacked?". I helped him spell it out, and as he walked away, I thought about what he said. MISS MAKENNA. It's got a cute little ring to it. My kids always call me Makenna, and only a few say Miss Makenna if they don't know really what to call me. And when I hear it, it makes me smile and think about how cute it is. But, the way Kawehi said it... he said it so seriously, so professional. I like the fact that my teacher name is Miss Makenna. Just say it a couple times in your head, and it might just start to sound cool. Someday, I want to have my own dreams to start coming true, and actually have a teacher name. Ms. Hirz, or... well, someday it'll be different. :)
           For the past 2 weeks I've been working on my college application to BYU-Idaho. And man, has it been scary. BUT SO EXCITING. I've had a total of 3 meltdowns. That's a good for me. My ACT testing and score didn't go the way I would have liked, but it's okay. It can't be that hard to get into college, right? I have so much more to offer than just silly little scores. So, I have all my parts done, just waiting on my transcripts to be sent down there. Everyday, in the back of my mind, I keep having a prayer in my heart and positive thoughts. I so badly want to leave this next fall, be down there and really start my life.
            I have this little dream of being an elementary teacher, having my own classroom, my own kids to teach... once I complete the four years down at BYU. It sounds so good in my head. When people always asked me what I wanted to do when I "grew up", I never knew what to tell them. I think I got it now. I want to give back, to be the teacher I always needed growing up, and to teach kids things that will help build them. Being at the grade school everyday at the end of the day usually sets the tone for the rest of the evening. The kids may be crazy, after all... kids WILL be kids... but I love them- they are so happy and life for them is coloring crayons, p.b&j sandwiches, and recess. Oh, to be that little again. Each day when I get there, they are so happy to see me, so eager to learn the sign language I teach them, and always hug me before they leave and say "Thank you for the wonderful day.". No really, thank you. These little kids have so much desire and they WANT to impress you, and boy... are they funny.
          Someday, it'll all work out. My plan may not be the same as Heavenly Father's plan for me, but I am willing to accept whatever will happen, and has to happen, in order for my dreams to start being real. For the first time ever, I'm starting to feel a little bit well... grown up. I probably say that a thousand times, but there's no feeling compared to realizing this... Life is about to begin! So, got to keep smiling, doing all I can, and ENJOY my moments left. Here's a few Senior Photos :) All the credit to Chelsi Chamberlain for taking them! Excellent work!

Another Last

I had probably the most insane weekend so far this school year. No doubt. I guess I'll start by saying that if I would have ate more chocolate I woulda breathed better. Let's start with Friday. Everyone loves Friday, right? Well this Friday was a little something different for me. I sang the National Anthem for my pep assembly, and watched my Senior friends participate in the Homecoming Court games. I remember watching as a Frosh, Soph, and Junior... and thinking "They're so old, and so cool!". And watching my good friends Liza, Josh, Derrick, Leo, and Bryce made me realize... we really aren't that old and really aren't that cool! Or are we? Haha. I went home that day knowing that that night would be very hard for me. It was Senior night, my LAST football game as a high school student, and my last football performance. And that made my heart tug a little.
          I did my normal routine of the performance makeup, the performance hair, but this time... intstead of my costume, I put on something cute for once. Senior night! I packed my bag with my costume and poms, and left for the game! Driving into town, I thought about how I'd feel walking onto the field to be recognized with my parents. To sing the National Anthem once again, for the last football game. To perform on that football field ONE last time. I skipped past those thoughts as I parked my car, and walked on into the game with my friends. All the parents and my Senior drill girls lined up with the Sports Med Seniors, Football Seniors, and the Cheer Senior. My coaches handed me flowers, and chocolates. The announcer said our names one by one and we walked out, and it was something else. Looking up into the stands, hearing people cheer your names, and seeing cameras flash. It's wierd realizing that your a Senior, FINALLY. And that hey, you just might be growing up! That's odd.
           Right after that was over, I walked nervously up to the announcer booth, and prepared to sing the National Anthem. It's really cool to hear your name announced, and to be handed the microphone! All the power is yours. I figured I'd be singing for the whole town because our friends told us they could hear our coach count for us at one of our field practices. So, I opened my mouth and belted it out loud and proud. It felt good. I got a lot of compliments, and that always makes you happy.
            Then, next on the list was the DRILL TEAM YO. At 2nd quarter, all of us headed into the locker rooms to get changed and ready to go! Once we were ready, out we went to go stretch and get a good look at the crowd. So many things are running around in your head, okay... where am I at this formation? Oh my gosh, what if I mess up? WHAT IF I FALL ON MY FACE?! Before I knew it, we were lined up and walking on. And boom. We performed. We had a bad start, since we couldn't hear the music, then just little things went wrong. I kicked too early on the kick sequence then quickly recovered,  our ripple broke, then one of girls did what I was afraid of doing... she fell, but on her bum. But all in all, it went JUST fine, and honestly... looked pretty dang good. It was our pom number for Nationals. As soon as we hit our last pose, tears bursted into my eyes. I ran off stiffling the tears, and realizing... welp, that was it! Not "it-it", because we still got the whole season to go, but for the football season, and ever.
            As soon as that was over, I watched my best friends Liza and Josh be crowned 1st runner-ups for King and Queen, and then my good friends Bryce and Kristi were crowned King and Queen. The pictures and the music, and riding around in the trucks- ah! WE'RE SENIORS! That night I went home and "studied" for the ACT'S. And my dad made me a steak. Yay! I went to torn both ways, sad that that was another last, but happy because they ARE LASTS and I got a whole lot coming up! One step closer.
            I woke up the next morning super early and had a legit breakfast with Maren. My mom made omlets, SOOOO good. We went to the ACT'S and basically tortured our brains, no joke. MOST DRAINING EXPERIENCE EVER. From 8-12, I fried my brain, then went to grab some lunch with Maren and then go to Liza's soccer game, which I was ONCE EVEN AGAIN, singing the National Anthem. Except this one I kinda, sorta... butchered. I didn't look at the time at lunch, then had 5 minutes to get down to the field, SPED THERE AND BOOKED IT TO THE BOOTH. I was a little out of breath, could barely sing. By "and the rockets red glare" and on it was fine. But the very beginning was so SHAKEY, and so hard to listen to, I was so out of breath! But, hey... give me some credit here. Did I not sing the National Anthem 3 times, in less than 24 hours??
            After the game was done, Liza and I high tailed it to her house and got ready with Camiel and Kendall for the Homecoming Dance. So there was nail polish, curling irons, perfumes, dresses, shoes, and of course... chocolate everywhere! We got ready in about two hours, and Liza was the first to be picked up, then Camiel. Mine and Kendall's date,Cliff and Dylan, were a taddd bit late, trying to help Josh find his date because she lived in the Neverlands! So, we missed pictures, but went straight to dinner. And all I can say is... MMMMM. :) Adam Coulson's kind parents set up the tables so nicely, nice plates and silverware, candles and flowers, and pretty background music. We had caesar salad, chicken alfredo, bread, sparkling cider, and cheesecake! Then, we killed time by taking some pictures, then off to the dance we went! As soon as we got there, there was a power outtage for about 25 minutes, and then once it was back on again... a typical high school dance was back on.
           I want to explain something. It doesn't make me feel good, or comfortable, to be around a room of people getting down and grinding, to see many people who I know are going to get wasted, high, or all the other stupid things. I'm just really not okay with it. So guess how long my group stayed? Probably not even an hour, like... a half hour. We left to the Stake Center, and played hide and seek in the dark in the church, then played capture the flag outside... which included a little visit from the cops because we were too loud hehe, then cinammon rolls and then the night was over. And you know what? It was fun! Without alchohol, and who knows what else. I sat in my other classes today and got to hear about all the other things that people did before, at, and after the dance. And I'm so glad to say that I wasn't apart of it. It isn't worth it. I teared up just thinking about how sick it made me that some people thinlk it's totally okay to do all these things. I left and went to Liza's house before fourth and she fed me some chocolate cake, which made me feel a ton better. I am so grateful to have her in my life, she is such a wonderful example, and is EXACTLY what a TRUE friend should be. With her, I am safe. Just as I am with my other true friends.
           That was, again, my very last Homecoming dance. And I'm okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I had so much fun with my date and with my group, but I honestly, can't wait to get out of High School. That'll be the day. But for now, I am so grateful for who I am, all the opportunities that are coming for me. "All that's been promised, all that Heaven offers, all I could ever need. If not today, then surely tomorrow, if I can keep the faith, if I can only WAIT."  I found this song today, and decided that it's basically my theme song. My favorite part is "IF NOT TODAY, THEN SURELY TOMORROW. If I can only wait."
            And I will wait.

               

Senioritis.

       

      
                                         

I haven't blogged since June, due to my forgetful brain, couldn't even remember a password. So, HEY! Summer is gone, and fall is here! I can't even wrap my head around how FAST that time in between went. Let's start with my summer. I did so many things, amazing, wonderful, CRAZY things. It was a summer of lasts. Last year at Girl's Camp, last year at the Pioneer Trek, first and last year at EFY, last year of Drill Camp, and last summer in high school. It's wierd to think how "grown up" I am now. Kind of freaks me out, made my heart sort of tug, torn both ways of sadness and excitement. But I truly feel like this summer prepared me for everything that's already coming my way. Girl's Camp made me realize I was never coming back as a Young Women and someday that it might just be my calling in the church... I may even just go back as an old leader! What the heck? The Pioneer Trek made me realize how easy we have it now, I thought doing chores, cleaning my bedroom, and all the outside world things were bad! It's not like we have to walk through ice cold water and pull handcarts up the biggest inclines known to man. That was just a little glimpse. I am so thankful for the ways now. And what can I say about EFY? Especially For Youth. They weren't kidding, I feel like it was made for me. I so needed a pick-me-up this summer, and that's exactly what I got. You met a new person everyday who was so genuinely nice! SO MUCH FUN TOO. It was the gospel everyday, all day, all week and not ONCE did I ever tire of it, it was the experience of a lifetime, and I so wish it would have lasted longer. I've never felt my testimony grow that much. I was on a spiritual high, haha. I even got to spend my birthday there! One thing I know to be true : no matter where you go, this gospel is TRUE, it is the same and always will be. I should probably stop talking about EFY cause now I miss it. It was even better to come home to a wonderful surprise birthday decorated room :) So, moving on! haha. It was my last year of Drill Team Camp. And what a way to have it go out with a bang! SOOOO LEGIT. Indoor Water Park? YES! Never ending yummy buffet? YES! Team Bonding? YES! Hours and hours and hours of dance? YESSS! It was truly an awesome time, and I love my girls more than anything. This year will definitely be one to REMEMBER. I also got to go on THEE best Laurel's trip ever. I LOVE TO YACHT IN THE SAN JUANS. Definitely a highlight of my summer. When I wasn't away in the summer, I was enjoying good old Moses Lake. Boating, walking through the corn fields, riding the horse, laughing and crying with my best friends, spending as much time as possible with my summer love ;), eating chocolate, late movie nights, stargazing, drill team practices, driving around endlessly, cleaning out my closet, babysitting, texting, mormon partying it up with my girls, and imagining in my head what the next, but last year in high school would be like.
                  Well, here I am. After an exhausting end of August, I stepped into SENIOR YEAR. Probably could have been more positive... but on my first day, the only thing I could think of was "What the heck. Where did my summer go?? AH! I don't want to be here! Is the year over yet?!". For real. It was all I could do to not burst into tears. I realized, I was so over high school. It's not that I don't love the weekends with my friends, because believe me... I DO. Not that I don't absolutely love drill team - because there is no doubt I do!! Not that I think my schedule or classes are too hard, because they aren't- really. I am just ready for a new everything. New atmosphere, new people, new change, new routine... new, new, new! I am bored. It hit me pretty hard, too. Everyday all I say to myself in my head is "One foot in front of the other". Especially when I hear immature lower classmen curse in every single sentence, wait no.. they curse every split second, when kids think that they have to yell to each other in the hallways when they're RIGHT next to each other, when there are couples sucking each other's faces off against walls, when your trying to get to class and there are people taking their SWEET FREAKING TIME, when kids who can drive literally think it's a demo derby in the parkinglot, or when people think it's okay to be unbelievably rude to anyone and everyone. I swear, no one has respect there. It's a jungle. ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER MAKENNA.
            High School for some is a time for people to find out who they are, what they want to do in life, and how they are going to get there. And thank heavens for those people who have their heads on straight. But for some, they lose complete sight as to why they are there in the first place. If your coming for your boyfriend who won't be your boyfriend after the four years here, if your coming for the social parts of it, if your coming with a big head and thinking your sooo cool, if your coming thinking you have the best car, if your coming thinking that what you do now won't effect you are- will be, and what you'll do after high school... you'd better rethink that and figure it out. Good luck to ya.
            As for me, I have Senioritis. My mind is so set on making the correct choices and decisions, working hard and making my friendships with my friends last, because after all... I am stuck here for the rest of this school year. In high school, you find out who your true friends are. And I have them. I am going to slip up sometimes, but I can always fix things, and these friends... will never give up on me. I don't need the perfect boyfriend, the perfect car, the perfect social status, the perfect everything to be happy in high school. I got a whole lotta good stuff ahead. 
                So, not trying to be a complete downer, because there are the great things about high school. The weekends where you do crazy things with your friends, trying to make Moses Lake fun. Like last night, who else would go to Denny's late at night wearing onesies? Yeah, my friends and I. It's what we do. :) I am learning Sign Language and using that as my Senior Project- teaching it to my third graders I get to see everyday for fourth period. Seeing them makes me realize how much they have ahead of them and how truly innocent they are. And I was one of them, and I never thought I'd get here. I'm grown up. I know who I am, what I want to do in life, and how I'm going to get there!
                   It's my last year at home. Last times with family here at home, last Christmas at home, last New Year's Eve at home, last Valentine's Day at home, last Spring Break at home, last year of Drill Team...  last year of early morning practices and last night practices, last times of stepping out onto the floor with my team to show people what we work so hard for... all these last performances- Guy/Girl, first last home competition, first last Nationals, and last time at State. And of all, GRADUATION. Last time here as a high schooler. Because this summer will be... college everything. College firsts. I'll be 18! So, here's to Senior Year, please go by fast so I can stop going insane.... but at the same time.... LONG LIVE.